Popular 90's Toys That Make You Question The Integrity Of Parenting

Jul 2004 by de:Benutzer:Wollschaf (selfmade)

Yes, I was a 90's baby. I was seven going on eight years old when the millennium hit, but still got to experience the epic Nickelodeon shows, the denim outfits, and the infamous toys. 

Some of the toys and games that came along with the decade will forever be timeless in my book. But reflecting back, I wonder how I ever convinced my parents to buy me half of the things that they did. If our roles were vice versa, I would have never in a million years bought my kid most of the toys that I owned. Whether the reason be because it was dangerous, or downright dumb I would have no problem refusing them. The following toys are the ones I now find the absolute worst, and this is what I imagine parents saying when they decided to purchase them. 

Socker Boppers

"Lets encourage our children to beat the pulp out of each other with huge bags of air on their hands. They'll get in some cardio, and spike the insurance policy when they break their nose."

Easy Bake Oven

"I want to watch our child suffer trying to bake with a lightbulb. When their baked good is finally done they will have a bite sized brownie that tastes like styrofoam. At least their baby teeth will fall out quickly from synthetic sugar rot. "

Hit Clips

"Instead of buying a portable CD or cassette player, we should invest in a clip-on music player that only plays choruses, has no volume control, and limits our kid to 5 song choices. It will also encourage them to keep their music choices to bubble gum pop or boy bands."

Polly Pocket's

"If my kid doesn't choke on them, they'll lose them all over the house. I'll be sucking them up in the vacuum cleaner, and pulling them out of my foot when I step on them."

Tamagotchi's 

"I mean a living pet isn't an option. These Tamagotchi things seem like a good solution. They teach kids responsibility by picking up virtual poop and disciplining a Japanese simulation. When the thing dies we can just stick a pen in the reset button on the back. But when the actual Tamagotchi battery is dead I can't wait to comfort my child through the blood curdling screaming and tears."

Pokemon Cards

"Does 'insert child's name here' really have a use for Pokemon playing cards? Do they know how to play the actual game? No, okay. So I will buy them packs and packs to let sit underneath their bed. The holographic ones look cool so I don't mind spending $8 on a paper card."

Lava Lamps

"Putting my home at risk of burning down doesn't phase me. These things heat up to hundreds of degrees. So whether I'm treating my toddler for third degree burns or searching the remains of my homes foundation for personal items after the thing explodes and ignites a raging inferno, I'm not bothered. Watching the blobs glow make it all worth it.

15 Small Victories That Aren't So Small

1. Stopping the microwave one-second before it goes off.

2. Carrying all of the grocery bags in one trip.

3. A perfect parallel park on the first try.

4. Gaining a new Twitter follower.

5. Finding money in your pocket.

6. Getting clothes on sale when you think you're paying full price.

7. Catching something before it hits the ground

8. Winning a goldfish at a carnival...

Even though it's dead within 24 hours.

9. Proving someone wrong, who thinks they're right.

10. Having a coupon.

11. Sleeping in an extra hour on daylight-saving.

12. Getting a package of mostly blue Scooby Doo gummies.

13. Fitting into a pair of pants that used to be too small.

14. When the waiter forgets to charge you for something on the bill.

15. Winning on a scratch off lottery ticket.

There's No Place Like Home

I have yet to do a sentimental post, but I think that the time has come. Tomorrow I am going home for spring break. While a lot of college-aged kids are excited to go on vacation in places like Cancun, I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be than home. With my family, my bed, my shower, and last but definitely not least my moms bangin home cooking. 

For those of you who don't know me, I haven't been home very much in the past year. After being away for the spring semester, summer held no downtime for me. I hopped on a plane to spend just shy of 11 weeks in California working at a summer camp. Ever since the only solid time I've had at my house was a month over winter break.  

I know that it's cliche to say there's no place like home. But I have found this to be true in every which way. Don't get me wrong, I love going away to school. I'm happy where I am. Being so far away for so long has made me a more appreciative and humble person. It has taught me a lot of things that I would love nothing more than to share with you.

I've been blessed to have a family that loves to the moon and back. To try and convey my love for them in words would be a waste of time, because no word in the dictionary can describe that feeling. I know how cheesy that is, but family is the one thing I will never be ashamed to be a complete sap about. They are what makes home, home.

Since I'll be graduating in May, I am at such a transitional phase in my life. In the next five years I don't know what I'll be doing, where I'll be living, how I'm going to pay my student loans…any and everything is completely unknown. I could be in Buffalo right at home, or I could be thousands of miles away. That is why I keep all of the following things in mind. 

So please, take my advice and embed it into that brain of yours. Here are some things you can do that are bound to enhance the quality of your family life, because I know that they have made mine amazing.

1. Stop arguing like you're in high school. Yes, fights are bound to happen sometimes. Being in that close of quarters with people you've known since birth brings annoyances to everyone involved. But save the arguments for the big issues rather than the petty ones. 

2. Un-immediate family members love seeing you too. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. They all love you and deserve quality time. Don't blow it off. 

3. Be kind for the right reasons. Don't be nice to your parents because you want or need something. Do it because that is how they should be treated.

4. Get to know your parents more personally every single day. As hard as it is to believe, your parents were young once. They've had life experiences and stories that I'm sure you've never heard before. So why don't you ask them? You will come to find that they're much more interesting than you thought.

5. Find a balance between family and friends on the weekends. There is more to life than going out and pounding drinks every Friday and Saturday night.

6. Be content just being. Let me explain. One of my favorite things about home is Sunday mornings. Usually when I wake up my parents are sitting on the couch reading the paper. I turn on the TV and watch. We eat breakfast together. We could be completely silent, but it is times like those that I am the most content. Just enjoying each others presence. Irrelevant moments like that give life meaning.

7. Always say goodnight. My entire life I have kissed my parents and told them I love them before going up to bed. Maybe you're not that affectionate, so then opt for a hug. End the day with an expression of love. It really isn't that hard.

8. Learn from your siblings. Every one of your them has some type of talent. Recognize it. My brother is an amazing cook, athlete, and professional. At 26 his success is admirable. He has a great job and a beautiful house with his fiancé. The career advice I look to him for is priceless. My sister has art skills that anyone would envy. She wants to be a graphic designer and can create logos and posters that are absolutely amazing. She has perfected some ridiculous dance moves, and is still trying to help me perfect the body roll. I don't know where it came from but she is a natural at riding horses, even without the help of lifelong lessons. They're both entertaining to watch grow and prosper.

9. Be spontaneous. Treat your family like you would a boyfriend or girlfriend. Buy them flowers, get them a gift certificate to their favorite restaurant, take them to see a movie they've been talking about. Bringing them happiness will bring you happiness. I say that with absolute certainty. 

10. Tell them that you love them. And then tell them ten more times.

11. Treat every day like a holiday. You know how Christmas is a day for family? Everyone is happy and the day is spent basking in each others company? Keep that state of mind. All the time.

12. Don't take all of the credit for everything. Yes, we are all individuals and develop our own personalities. But many of your accomplishments would have never been completed or fulfilling without the support of your family. Give them credit where it's due.

13. Tell them everything first. Good news, bad news, the highs and the lows. They deserve it. 

14. Lend a helping hand. Ask them what they need, and what you can do for them. Make their life easier instead of fostering your lazy and selfish ways.

In one day I will be sitting at home channeling all of the advice that I just gave you. I know I sound dramatically enthusiastic, but family is the backbone of existing. Sure, maybe some families are untraditional. The word may have a different definition to you then it does to me, and that is completely okay. But I will leave you with this. Never stop loving whoever you consider to be a part of your family. Life is too short to waste one second, so surround yourself with those that make you happy. 

Ten Things No Human Being Can Recover From

Well, well, well, it has been about a month since I visited this little section of Internet that I own. For that my sincerest apologies. Sometimes life happens and I've been caught up enjoying the last semester. But you don't care about that so moving on…

There are some things that we just can't control. Embarrassing, awkward, unavoidable things. If I had a dollar for every time one of the following situations happened to me, I could have retired before even graduating college and be living in a senior community in the Hamptons.

Tell me none of these have ever happened to you, so I can buy a pig to see if it flies.

1. Falling in public.

People flock to the scene. You reassure them over and over that you're okay even though you're not. That's gonna bruise tomorrow.

2. Calling someone you just met the wrong name.

I thought you said it was Tommy, not Frank! Just kidding I was totally testing you.

3. "Passing gas". Anywhere.

If they don't hear it, they smell it. It's about that time to go dairy free.

4. Waving to someone that you think is waving to you, but they're not.

Play it cool, play it cool. Just doing some hand exercises to keep the blood flowin'.

5. Someone walking into the bathroom stall you are using.

Shell shocked your blood pressure rises to hypertensious levels and the only panicked words you manage to half speak half scream are "Someone's in here!". 

6. Having food in your teeth.

You realize you haven't eaten anything in three hours. And for three hours you've been talking to everyone and their mother…with a gaping smile.

7. Belting out the wrong lyrics to a song.

Your friends call you out. You're mortified. It's no wonder the lyrics never made sense. This song has been nothing but a lie.

8. Realizing your belt isn't doing its job.

Everyone to the back of you now knows what your gluteus maximus looks like. This is a personal level you never asked to get to. Things seemed a bit drafty, but dear Lord. 

9. Sending a text to the wrong person.

You sent someone a text directly about them. Follow it up with a bogus explanation. Nothing left to do but wait for a response and have a panic attack.

10. Telling a joke to someone who doesn't find it funny.

Or even offensive. Just your luck you used your hilarious Honey Boo Boo joke on someone who happens to be her first cousin. Why. Why. Why.

All gifs courtesy of www.giphy.com. 

"Devils Due" Prank for the Win!

If you don't do well with scary things, I'm going to tell you to stop reading here. The video I'm about to talk about is hilarious, but equally terrifying. I don't know how people are still coming up with pranks as original as this one. The creativity here is commendable and fabulous.

There is always one thing that I wonder about horror movies. For those of you that have seen any of the Saws, I would hope you that you think they are wretchedly twisted. The scenes where people are tortured in ways that I would think only a schizophrenic could conjure intrigue me. What type of person actually has the mind to visualize an act like that? Of course, the team behind scary movies aren't mentally unstable, but I do think that they need to be in touch with a darker side of their imagination.

A new film came out today called "Devil's Due". Apparently it's about a newlywed couple who gets almost immediately pregnant. The husband records the stages of his wife's pregnancy, but notices along the way that the changes she's having are not because of hormones. They're originating from something much more complex and malevolent.

Movies are generally advertised through the same methods. Trailers, previews, billboards, posters, etc. So whatever company is behind "Devil's Due" decided to set themselves apart. They made a robotic demon baby and set it loose on the streets of New York City, then posted a video of it on YouTube.

If I saw this thing in real life I would have an instant brown stain showing through the fabric of my pants. The reactions on this video don't surprise me one bit, and I'm actually in shock that no one punched it to the ground when it popped up. The face on this thing is like some kind of rabid squirrel, with foam coming out of its mouth, and profiled veins bulging out of its little bald head. It's like Tommy Pickles took anabolic steroids and is having roid rage with snot all over his face. I got the heeby geebies just writing that!

I respect this prank. Well done "Devil's Due", 10 out of 10 for originality and execution. Just don't bring that thing to Buffalo.