Monday, March 10, 2014

Popular 90's Toys That Make You Question The Integrity Of Parenting

Jul 2004 by de:Benutzer:Wollschaf (selfmade)

Yes, I was a 90's baby. I was seven going on eight years old when the millennium hit, but still got to experience the epic Nickelodeon shows, the denim outfits, and the infamous toys. 

Some of the toys and games that came along with the decade will forever be timeless in my book. But reflecting back, I wonder how I ever convinced my parents to buy me half of the things that they did. If our roles were vice versa, I would have never in a million years bought my kid most of the toys that I owned. Whether the reason be because it was dangerous, or downright dumb I would have no problem refusing them. The following toys are the ones I now find the absolute worst, and this is what I imagine parents saying when they decided to purchase them. 

"Lets encourage our children to beat the pulp out of each other with huge bags of air on their hands. They'll get in some cardio, and spike the insurance policy when they break their nose."

"I want to watch our child suffer trying to bake with a lightbulb. When their baked good is finally done they will have a bite sized brownie that tastes like styrofoam. At least their baby teeth will fall out quickly from synthetic sugar rot. "

"Instead of buying a portable CD or cassette player, we should invest in a clip-on music player that only plays choruses, has no volume control, and limits our kid to 5 song choices. It will also encourage them to keep their music choices to bubble gum pop or boy bands."

"If my kid doesn't choke on them, they'll lose them all over the house. I'll be sucking them up in the vacuum cleaner, and pulling them out of my foot when I step on them."

"I mean a living pet isn't an option. These Tamagotchi things seem like a good solution. They teach kids responsibility by picking up virtual poop and disciplining a Japanese simulation. When the thing dies we can just stick a pen in the reset button on the back. But when the actual Tamagotchi battery is dead I can't wait to comfort my child through the blood curdling screaming and tears."

"Does 'insert child's name here' really have a use for Pokemon playing cards? Do they know how to play the actual game? No, okay. So I will buy them packs and packs to let sit underneath their bed. The holographic ones look cool so I don't mind spending $8 on a paper card."

"Putting my home at risk of burning down doesn't phase me. These things heat up to hundreds of degrees. So whether I'm treating my toddler for third degree burns or searching the remains of my homes foundation for personal items after the thing explodes and ignites a raging inferno, I'm not bothered. Watching the blobs glow make it all worth it.

Posted By: Julie Goetz

Popular 90's Toys That Make You Question The Integrity Of Parenting


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