Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Ten Things No Human Being Can Recover From

Well, well, well, it has been about a month since I visited this little section of Internet that I own. For that my sincerest apologies. Sometimes life happens and I've been caught up enjoying the last semester. But you don't care about that so moving on…

There are some things that we just can't control. Embarrassing, awkward, unavoidable things. If I had a dollar for every time one of the following situations happened to me, I could have retired before even graduating college and be living in a senior community in the Hamptons.

Tell me none of these have ever happened to you, so I can buy a pig to see if it flies.


1. Falling in public.


People flock to the scene. You reassure them over and over that you're okay even though you're not. That's gonna bruise tomorrow.


2. Calling someone you just met the wrong name.


I thought you said it was Tommy, not Frank! Just kidding I was totally testing you.


3. "Passing gas". Anywhere.


If they don't hear it, they smell it. It's about that time to go dairy free.


4. Waving to someone that you think is waving to you, but they're not.


Play it cool, play it cool. Just doing some hand exercises to keep the blood flowin'.


5. Someone walking into the bathroom stall you are using.


Shell shocked your blood pressure rises to hypertensious levels and the only panicked words you manage to half speak half scream are "Someone's in here!". 


6. Having food in your teeth.


You realize you haven't eaten anything in three hours. And for three hours you've been talking to everyone and their mother…with a gaping smile.


7. Belting out the wrong lyrics to a song.


Your friends call you out. You're mortified. It's no wonder the lyrics never made sense. This song has been nothing but a lie.


8. Realizing your belt isn't doing its job.



Everyone to the back of you now knows what your gluteus maximus looks like. This is a personal level you never asked to get to. Things seemed a bit drafty, but dear Lord. 


9. Sending a text to the wrong person.


You sent someone a text directly about them. Follow it up with a bogus explanation. Nothing left to do but wait for a response and have a panic attack.


10. Telling a joke to someone who doesn't find it funny.


Or even offensive. Just your luck you used your hilarious Honey Boo Boo joke on someone who happens to be her first cousin. Why. Why. Why.



All gifs courtesy of www.giphy.com




Posted By: Julie Goetz

Ten Things No Human Being Can Recover From

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